you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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