did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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