He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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