Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize