How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
