I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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