I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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