she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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