Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
