I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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