her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
