Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
