Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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