if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
