he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
