My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
