just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
