Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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