We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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