she looked like the before picture.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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