I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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