I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I skipped work to stalk him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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