woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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