Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
