did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
