yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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