Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
