He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
