11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
