can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
