I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
