That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize