I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
