It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
