Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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