i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
