At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
