you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
