Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
