is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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