We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize