in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
