looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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