walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i will never coherently bang her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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