The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
