Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
