he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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