I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
