You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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