i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
