this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
