I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
