Sry I called you an 8
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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