He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
