Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
