Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
