i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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