finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
