i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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