Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
