i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
