I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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