hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
