Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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