billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
