i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
