I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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