The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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