I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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