There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
