I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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