She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
