it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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