I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize