if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize