Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
