She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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